I am, by far, not the right person to go to for relationship advice, since I don't exactly have the record for lifelong relationships, but I always appreciate reading about how to improve and build up relationships. This post from a reader was an interesting read and I hope you find it useful.
Being in a long-term relationship can be pretty trying at times, once the honeymoon period is gone; when the butterflies in your stomach stop fluttering. When you are no longer blinded by the immense infatuation that you have for your partner, this is when you start to notice their flaws and unfavorable character traits that may get on your nerves at times. Couples tend to fall out after a period of time, as they are no longer able to stand each other. The one that you were once head over heels for, is now someone whose guts you hate. However, things do not have to be this way and there are several steps you can take to ensure that your relationship does not fall into a rut. If you desperately want your relationship to be long-lasting, here are some tips for you!
Honesty is the Best Policy
This aphorism has been used probably since the start of time, but its significance is often underrated. When relationship experts tell you that honesty is key, it is indeed 100% true. Arguments between partners often stem from lies or masked emotions when one party decides to conceal the truth from the other. If a lie comes to light and is made known to your partner, he or she can develop trust issues with you in the future, and once the trust is broken, it requires a great deal of patience and effort to build it back up again. Being honest with your partner is highly essential. Regardless of what mistakes you have made or any harboring feelings that you have, being transparent with your partner will do more good than harm in the long term. It establishes mutual trust between both of you, and it allows your partner to understand you better.
Acknowledge Differences
One of the greatest mistakes that you can make in a relationship is assuming that your partner feels and thinks the same way as you. When you get closer to your partner, having a different set of mentalities and being two very different individuals are often forgotten, resulting in many miscommunications to arise. Therefore, it is always important to avoid “failing at their mind” and understand that though both of you are in a relationship, you are two separate human beings who have their own set of thoughts and feelings that are equally valid.
Use Tell Culture
Tell Culture is a communication strategy that encourages both parties to be honest about how they feel. Similar to the aforementioned point, being open with your feelings, thoughts, and everything that is going on in your life with your partner will help you two emotionally connect on a deeper level. For example, if you need a hug, simply tell your partner that you need one. However, in order for this strategy to be effective, individuals should not have the expectation of their partner hugging them. The key here is to communicate your needs and desires with them, and the actions that your partner takes is out of your control, and are based on their own desires and needs. Besides tell culture, be sure to constantly communicate with your partner. This may be difficult in a long term relationship but there are certainly plenty of ways of starting a conversation in a relationship that will enable both of you to form a stronger bond.
Emotional Attunement
When your partner comes home after a long day and starts ranting to you, listen to them with both your ears and your heart. Avoid solely focusing on their words and try to pick up their underlying emotions and feelings attached to their speech. Observe their tone and body language — are they stressed out, anxious, frustrated or angry? By understanding the message and emotion that they are trying to convey to you, you will then be able to understand them better and use different ways to make them feel better. When you are able to respond to your loved one the way they want you to, you will be able to develop deeper connections and help your relationship last for the long haul.
Review Your Relationship
Finding the time and allocating a particular day to check in on your relationship will greatly help your emotional bond. Take time out to assess your relationship — identify the gaps and find ways to improve on it. An important reminder is to also point out the strengths of your relationship — what you like about this unity and the things that your partner does for you that you appreciate. Assessing your relationship every now and then will help both of you grow together, as you see the relationship grow as well. Do it while you are in bed cuddling or have the talk over a nice lovely prepared meal. The bottom line is to avoid pointing fingers at each other and instead, work towards improving the relationship as a team.
Respect Boundaries
Though you and your partner are in a relationship, that does not mean that the two of you should be spending 24/7 together. Allow each other to have their own alone time or catch-ups with their best buddies over the weekend. When partners are not physically with them, certain individuals may be paranoid and be tempted to check their live locations via certain apps or platforms. It is important not to do so and permit them to have their own privacy. This not only prevents you from fueling your own paranoia, but it also helps build trust between you and your significant other, making your relationship one that is secure and stable.
Compromise
Though individuality is highly championed for in our society today, being in a relationship does not allow you to adopt that sort of self-centeredness and an every-man-for-themselves mentality. It is a commitment between two people, and when decisions have to be made with two conflicting opinions, compromises are essential to allow both parties to be treated equally. Acknowledge the needs of both of you and try to come to a common ground. Regardless of how big or small the issue is, compromising will help make your relationship strong and last a lifetime.
Conclusion
When it comes to cultivating a long-lasting and blissful relationship, it all boils down to ensuring that your partner is a separate person who has feelings too. It is all about growing together, overcoming obstacles together, but understanding that they should have their own alone time too. If you and your partner communicate effectively and honestly, while also sparing a thought for one another, there is nothing that can come between both of you.
For those readers who've been in long term relationships and made them work, what tips would you give to people like myself or others who would love to learn the whys and the hows?
I am not in the position to give advice. I am only in my 10th year with my fiance. But I would say that forgiveness to your partner and to yourself is vital in maintaining the relationship. You can't fully forget when trying to forgive but consciously being careful of not bringing up past mistakes is crucial in avoiding arguments.
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