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| My grandmother and grandfather at their wedding, along with my paternal great grandparents. |
I remember the first time I found out that my grandmother, Lois, had dementia. At the time, I was 17 and living in Brooklyn, New York, self supporting, while my grandmother was living in nearby Queens. She was really helpful in setting me up when I first moved there, and from time to time if I was a bit short on cash, she'd help me out.
Well, one of those times that I was short on cash, I called her up and she said she would be happy to help me out, and we'd arranged that I'd come by the next day to visit her and pick up the money. A few hours later, I got called up by my uncle who said that Grandma was really upset at me, because I never showed up when I was supposed to. I was very confused because we had planned on meeting the next day, but I called her up to find out what was going on. When I reached her, she told me that she got up early for me that morning and went to the bank and drew cash and I never showed up, and that isn't right and really makes her feel unappreciated. I tried explaining to her that we had just talked a few hours ago and had only planned on meeting the next day. She tried insisting that we'd talked the day before and I stood her up. And when I said that it was the same day, she got very upset and said "Don't call me crazy!" I apologized, realizing something was very wrong.
It turns out that my grandmother had Lewy Body Disease, a type of dementia that is caused by a buildup of proteins in the brain, and that eventually led to her death. My immediate family wasn't local, and I moved abroad just a few months after her diagnosis, but I know my uncle and aunt really did a lot for her and took care of her at the end of her life.
Well, one of those times that I was short on cash, I called her up and she said she would be happy to help me out, and we'd arranged that I'd come by the next day to visit her and pick up the money. A few hours later, I got called up by my uncle who said that Grandma was really upset at me, because I never showed up when I was supposed to. I was very confused because we had planned on meeting the next day, but I called her up to find out what was going on. When I reached her, she told me that she got up early for me that morning and went to the bank and drew cash and I never showed up, and that isn't right and really makes her feel unappreciated. I tried explaining to her that we had just talked a few hours ago and had only planned on meeting the next day. She tried insisting that we'd talked the day before and I stood her up. And when I said that it was the same day, she got very upset and said "Don't call me crazy!" I apologized, realizing something was very wrong.
It turns out that my grandmother had Lewy Body Disease, a type of dementia that is caused by a buildup of proteins in the brain, and that eventually led to her death. My immediate family wasn't local, and I moved abroad just a few months after her diagnosis, but I know my uncle and aunt really did a lot for her and took care of her at the end of her life.
Because of how wonderful my grandmother was to me when I needed her, I named my older daughter after her, Anneleise, after Lois (and two deceased relatives named Anna).
Taking care of someone with dementia can be really hard, especially when they have a hard time admitting that they are struggling, and get upset at any implications that they are, as I learned with my grandmother. There are so many challenges that come up. If you have a loved one with dementia, here are some strategies to help you out.
Supporting a loved one with dementia can feel like navigating a maze with no clear path. But you're not alone in this journey, and there are strategies that can make it a little easier—for both you and your loved one. Let's dive into some practical, everyday tips that can help you provide the best care possible while also taking care of yourself.
Establish a Consistent Routine
Have you noticed that your loved one seems calmer when they know what's coming next? Routines can be a lifesaver. They help reduce confusion and provide a sense of stability. Try to keep things like meal times, bathing, and bedtime consistent every day. It might seem simple, but having a predictable schedule can work wonders in making your loved one feel more secure. It’s also helpful to incorporate familiar activities that they enjoy, like a morning walk or listening to their favorite music, which can become anchors in their day. Over time, these routines can help build a reassuring rhythm that eases anxiety and promotes well-being.
Create a Safe and Supportive Environment
Safety first, right? When it comes to dementia care, creating a safe living environment is key. Think about things like installing locks on doors that are a bit out of reach or using child-safe covers on doorknobs to prevent wandering. And don’t forget about those everyday hazards—like rugs or sharp corners. Small changes can prevent big accidents. Consider adding grab bars in bathrooms and non-slip mats in areas prone to spills to further reduce the risk of falls. You might also want to simplify the space by removing clutter and excess furniture, creating a more navigable environment that’s easier for your loved one to manage.
Encourage Social Interaction
Just because someone has dementia doesn’t mean they should be isolated. In fact, social activities can help maintain their cognitive functions and boost their mood. Whether it’s chatting with a friend, listening to music from their youth, or participating in a community event, keeping them engaged is crucial. Who doesn’t love a bit of company? Regular social interaction can also help reduce feelings of loneliness and depression, which are common in people with dementia. Encourage participation in group activities like bingo or art classes, where they can connect with others and feel a sense of belonging.
Manage Behavioral Changes with Empathy
Dementia often brings changes in behavior—some of which can be pretty challenging. Instead of trying to control these behaviors, try understanding them. Is your loved one agitated? Maybe they’re hungry or tired. Instead of confronting them, see if you can gently redirect their focus. Patience and empathy go a long way here. It’s also important to remember that these behaviors are often a form of communication; your loved one may be trying to express a need or discomfort that they can’t articulate. By responding with compassion and flexibility, you can help ease their distress and create a more peaceful environment for both of you.
Use Technology to Support Care
We live in a world where technology can make a huge difference in caregiving. From GPS trackers to help prevent wandering, to digital reminders for medications, there’s a lot out there to help lighten the load. Even something as simple as a digital photo frame can help trigger positive memories and provide comfort. You might also explore apps designed specifically for caregivers, which offer tools for organizing medical information, tracking symptoms, and staying on top of appointments. These tech solutions can streamline many aspects of care, allowing you to focus more on spending quality time with your loved one.
Prioritize Nutrition and Hydration
Good food equals a good mood, right? Ensuring your loved one eats well is vital, but it can be tricky. Try offering easy-to-eat foods and make mealtimes as calm and pleasant as possible. Sometimes, just using colorful plates or removing distractions like the TV can make all the difference. And don’t forget to keep them hydrated—sipping on water throughout the day can be a small but mighty action. You might also consider consulting a dietitian who specializes in dementia care to help tailor a nutrition plan that meets their specific needs. Keeping a variety of nutritious snacks on hand can make it easier for your loved one to maintain energy levels throughout the day.
Plan for Future Medical and Legal Needs
It might not be the most fun topic, but planning ahead is crucial. From legal documents to medical decisions, it’s better to have these conversations sooner rather than later. And speaking of planning, if you’re in Mississippi, you might want to look into getting an MS medical marijuana card. Some families find that medical marijuana helps manage certain symptoms, but it’s important to chat with a healthcare provider to see if it’s right for your loved one. Early planning can also help reduce stress during critical moments, giving you peace of mind knowing that your loved one’s wishes are documented and understood. Consider working with an attorney who specializes in elder law to navigate these often complex decisions.
Consider Alternative Therapies
There’s more to care than just the basics. Have you thought about alternative therapies? Music therapy, aromatherapy, or even pet therapy can sometimes help manage symptoms and improve quality of life. It’s all about finding what works best for your loved one. And who knows a little creativity could lead to big improvements. Exploring activities like gardening or art therapy can also provide meaningful engagement and help reduce anxiety or depression. These therapies offer a gentle way to stimulate the senses and provide comfort, often helping to alleviate some of the more challenging symptoms of dementia.
Take Care of Yourself
Here’s a question for you: How are you doing? It’s easy to forget about your own needs when you’re focused on caring for someone else. But the truth is, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Make sure you’re taking time to recharge, whether that’s through a quick walk, reading a book, or just catching up on sleep. Don’t hesitate to ask for help when you need it—after all, caregiving is a team effort. Building a support network of friends, family, or even professional caregivers can make a world of difference in maintaining your own well-being. Remember, taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it’s necessary to be the best caregiver you can be.
Conclusion
Caring for a loved one with dementia isn’t easy, but with these strategies, you can create a more supportive and loving environment for them—and for yourself. Remember, it’s all about taking small, thoughtful steps each day. You’re doing an incredible job, and every little effort makes a big difference. Keep going, and don’t forget to take care of yourself along the way. Every challenge you face is an opportunity to learn and grow as a caregiver, and your dedication truly makes a difference in your loved one’s life.