My divorce still isn't final, but even if it were, I am no where near the stage where I can even begin to thin about dating. However, many of my divorced friends are at that stage now, and they tell me how much harder it is to be in the dating world the second time around, especially once you have kids. Here's some tips from a reader about how to date when you're a single parent.
Love seems to be one of the most elusive concepts in the world. Some people just find it; a serendipitous experience only the lucky ones can experience. It can be a like the plot of a romance novel or a movie. Person A meets Person B, their eyes met and you can feel the electricity in the air. Both acknowledge that there is a connection but they want to get to know each other yet. There is conflict, third party, and more conflicts then afterwards they decide to settle down and live happily ever after. If only it was that easy, then everyone should have found someone already.
The reality is far grimmer: You need to actually work for it. Even then, there is no possibility or guarantee that you will actually find someone who will want to build a relationship with you. It’s not like a skill that you can just acquire experience the more mistakes you make. It also needs to have a little bit of luck for it to work. IF you think that there is only one person that is right for you, then maybe this assumption might be a bit off. After all, there are more than 7 billion people in the planet these days. It can be impossible to think that there is only one person that you can end up with.
Still, we choose to believe that it is the case for falling in love. It is considered as the closest thing we have to magic and it really does show its mysticism. For one, nothing can really every explain the process of falling in love. Of course, science has a logical explanation on how it happens. Basically, it is the activation of pheromones and hormones which stimulates the need to mate and the pleasure centers of the body. As this makes us feel good and turned on, we associate this feeling to the person that activated this process. However, there are certain gaps which are not fully explained yet, and there are still researches about this topic like this one here.
There are also societal practices which dictated how we fall in love with somebody. For time, interracial relationships were actually frowned upon by many cultures. They said that the children of this type of coupling were going to be cursed or something along those lines. In the same level of thinking, most aristocratic families in Europe engaged in incestuous relationships to keep the bloodline pure. It did not turn out well for many of them and many bloodlines were almost wiped out. Members of the LGBTQ+ community are also still suffering from the societal standards of marriage and relationships.
However, there is one stigma that doesn’t really make so much sense: dating single parents. There seems to be two sides with this one. There are some people who don’t like dating them since children are considered to be extra baggage. Others would also want to have children of their own and subconsciously trying to neglect the children of the previous relationship. On the other hand, there are other people who fetishize single parents because their idea of a “MILF” or “DILF” fantasy is now coming to life. There is just something about single dads and moms that makes them more exciting or tantalizing. If you're interested in connecting with singles near me, you can explore dating platforms or apps that cater to single parents looking for meaningful relationships. Read more about this here:" Read more about this here: https://www.vice.com/en_asia/article/gya389/we-talked-to-a-researcher-about-why-women-are-attracted-to-dilfs.
If you are a single parent, it can be really difficult to find the perfect date or even just a relationship without all of these notions. This is why we are here to help you navigate the dating scene with some tips to land the date that could turn to a forever kind of love.
Be Honest; What Are You Looking For?
There is nothing wrong with looking for a hookup. After all, we do have needs that can be quite complicated to get sometimes. If you just want a one night stand, make sure that you are honest about it both to yourself and to your potential partner. In this way, you can establish a sort of agreement between the two of you. On the other hand, you may want to have something more so you also need to inform the other person. A relationship needs two people for it to work; this is why it is important to have an open communication. You have a child to take care of, and that should be your priority.
Dating Sites Are A Thing
If you don’t want to go out to the bars or even get out of the house at all, why not try to register to a dating site? It seems to be a logical choice especially if your child is still quite small and needs your attention. You can always register to a mainstream website for more chances of meeting someone. Tinder, Match, Grindr and HER for the LGBT folks are actually great sites and apps that you can use. There are also dedicated dating sites for single parents that you can explore.
Don’t Ignore the Red Flags
One thing that you need to keep in mind when dating someone is the other person’s priorities and plans in life. Does it include your child or does he or she want more children? This will really depend on the situation. One really good example is when you want to talk about your kid then your date tries to change the topic. It can be warning sign that this person is not really keen to have your child in the picture. You can take it with a grain of salt, but it is better to be prepared now than sorry later.
Give Yourself Time
Dating is not for everyone, so if you think that you are not ready yet then don’t start anything. It isn’t a race so you can always take your time. You can always focus on your child and see him or her grows and develops as a healthy human being. Finding a relationship can come after, and you might be thankful of the time off the dating world as well.