As a parent of autistic kids and ones with special needs, I can tell you that there are relatives who have a hard time connecting to them, even though they want to, because they are different from what the relative expected. Unfortunately, there are relatives such as grandparents that may not be open to learning other ways to help connect with these children, but for ones that are open to learning how to improve their relationships, these tips can really help.
Building strong family connections can make a real difference in a child’s development. For autistic children, consistent and supportive relationships can shape how they see themselves and others. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, and extended family often want to help, but they may not know where to start. When relatives learn how to connect with an autistic child, it supports the child’s development and helps build stronger long-term family relationships.
Respect the Child’s Communication Style
The first step is helping relatives understand that autistic children may use different forms of communication. Some are verbal. Some rely on nonverbal communication like gestures, facial expressions, or visual aids. Others might use assistive devices or rely on visual schedules to make sense of daily routines.
If a child struggles with spoken language, it doesn’t mean they have nothing to say. Clarifying this can shift a relative’s expectations. Share specific examples of how your child communicates, what cues to look for, and how to respond. This gives them a starting point. You can also mention how speech therapists and play-based intervention strategies have supported your child’s communication skills so they can mirror those techniques in casual interactions.
A good way to frame this is: “They may not talk the way you’re used to, but they do communicate—you just have to learn their language.”
Explain What Makes Social Interaction Different
Many relatives will have questions about how to support someone with autism. That’s a good sign—it shows they care. But they might not understand why some behaviors or reactions differ from neurotypical kids. This is where you can guide them.
Autistic children often interpret social interactions differently. Things like eye contact, facial expressions, and tone of voice may not come naturally to them. They might need extra time to respond or may prefer parallel play—being near others without engaging directly.
Help your family understand that social behavior isn’t always a matter of refusal. It may be a matter of timing, trust, and feeling safe. If you explain that your child has trouble with social skills because reading emotional cues takes effort, it sets more realistic expectations. It also encourages relatives to show patience rather than disappointment.
Address Sensory Challenges Without Apology
Sensory issues are often misunderstood. Family members may not see how certain lights, sounds, or textures can lead to distress. They may assume the child is just being “picky” or “difficult.”
Instead of downplaying sensory challenges, give clear, relatable examples. For instance, you could say, “Loud voices or sudden hugs might feel overwhelming to them, like someone shouting through a megaphone right next to your ear.” That kind of comparison helps relatives grasp what sensory overload feels like.
You can also help them create a more supportive environment by suggesting simple changes. Lowering the volume on the TV, using dimmer lighting, or giving the child access to sensory tools like noise-canceling headphones or a fidget toy can go a long way.
Use Familiarity to Build Comfort
One of the advantages relatives have is familiarity. Grandparents and extended family are often recurring figures in a child’s life, which helps build predictability. Predictability, in turn, fosters trust.
Teach them how to use that familiarity to create low-pressure opportunities for connection. This could mean playing with the same toy every visit, offering a consistent greeting, or sticking to similar routines. Repetitive behaviors, which are common among children with autism spectrum disorders, serve as self-soothing or organizing mechanisms.
For example, if your child loves lining up toy cars or drawing the same shapes, relatives can join in without redirecting. Instead of trying to change the activity, encourage them to participate respectfully and mirror what the child is doing.
Set Boundaries and Expectations in Advance
Miscommunication can cause stress for everyone involved. Before a family gathering or visit, share what to expect and what boundaries to maintain. If your child doesn’t like physical touch, say that clearly. If transitions are hard, mention how you typically help your child through them.
You can also introduce the idea of visual schedules to grandparents or relatives who will be spending extended time with your child. These tools give structure and reduce anxiety. Showing them how to use these visuals can make everyone feel more prepared.
Use checklists, social stories, or even a short video demonstrating common routines. These small efforts can make your child feel more in control and relatives more confident.
Focus on Shared Interests and Creative Play
Autistic children often have specific interests—sometimes very specific. These interests can be used as starting points for building social connections.
If your child is deeply interested in dinosaurs, trains, or drawing, let relatives know. Engaging through shared interests—even during family meals—helps develop creative skills and builds communication naturally. The more a grandparent participates in a child’s favorite activity without trying to direct it, the more likely the child will open up—even if that connection looks different from what they’re used to.
Encourage a Long-Term Perspective
Building meaningful relationships takes time. Progress may be slow, and there will be moments of misunderstanding. But if your family is willing to listen, adapt, and stay consistent, trust builds.
Autistic children remember who made them feel safe. They respond to people who don’t rush them, who accept how they express themselves, and who stay patient. Help your family focus on small wins: a shared laugh, a new word, a moment of eye contact. These moments add up.
It also helps to emphasize that engaging an autistic child isn’t about “fixing” them or making them act like other kids. It’s about meeting them where they are and making space for who they are.
Final Thoughts
The more you equip relatives with information, context, and support strategies, the more confident and prepared they’ll feel. Every autistic child is different, but the goal is the same: helping them feel understood, respected, and safe. When your family knows how to show up in ways that actually help, your child benefits—and your relationships deepen.
