I love sharing about unschooling, the method in which we “school” or rather, precisely do not “school” our children, because I am so in love with this learning method because I see how well it works for us. 

Most of our “official” learning takes place via conversations that I and my husband have with my kids, covering such wide ranges of topics. We learn so much this way and cover so much ground that often I share what we’ve been learning on Facebook, and how much we love unschooling, and inevitably I get comments like “Don’t all parents have these conversations with theie kids?” and “What you call unschooling, I call parenting” and “I guess I both send my kids to school and unschool them.”

These frequent comments by people make me realize that there is a huge misunderstanding about what unschooling actually is, it’s not simply parenting nor is it something that you really can do in conjunction with school because it is a radically different mindset from that of standard schooling (though Montessori is probably the most similar schooling method to unschooling).

What is Unschooling?

Essentially if I had to explain unschooling in a nutshell it would be via the cliché “you can take a horse to the water but you can’t make him drink” and apply it to education.  You can “teach at” a child but you can’t make him learn.  And that the most effective learning is that which is child led. And the belief that forcing a child to learn something when he isn’t receptive is a waste of time and backfires, typically won’t be remembered long term (memorized for a test and then forgotten) and/or quashes a child’s innate love of learning and insatiable thirst for knowledge.
Unschooling is trusting in your kids’ unique learning style, process, and speed, and that they will learn all that they need to have happy productive lives without anyone ever forcing them to sit down and learn something specific. And the belief that learning is everywhere and can be fun and that even those things typically referred to as mind numbing wastes of time actually have educational value.

I’ll admit that when I first heard of unschooling the concept really appealed to me because I felt that so much of what was taught to me at school was a royal waste of time, went in one ear and out the other because it wasn’t interesting to me and I didn’t want to be there. (I took two years of French and remember maybe 5 words, if even, don’t remember a speck of the American history I learned in high school, nor any of the history of this region that I learned then either, can’t even tell you what the general gist of King Lear, Hamlet, and Macbeth were, don’t remember a blessed thing about Calc 2 other than these frustrating graphs that look like flower petals, and don’t even get me started on most of my religious studies.) 

However, later on in life when I wanted to know about certain things like the history of my region, because I wanted to understand how it affected local politics, I started reading books and websites on the topic, and the subject became my pleasure reading and I actually remember what I read enough to debate using what I learned in my historical research as talking points. And this being despite the fact that history was my most hated subject in school. 

The point being- once it was relevant to my life and I actually had a desire to learn it, the same subject I despised before became my pleasure to learn, I devoured it, remembered it, and now it is the topic my kids and I enjoy learning about the most together and is one of the most common subjects we discuss.

However as much of the logic of the of unschooling appealed to me at first I was still apprehensive. Does it work? What if I try to unschool and my kids remain ignoramuses? So while I did decide to unschool, I decided that I will have a backup plan. While I was cool with completely unschooling my kids for most subjects, I felt if my kids didn’t learn how to read or do math they’d be really at a disadvantage in life. So I said that if they didn’t reach a bare minimal level in these by a certain age I’d school then in those subjects and let them unschool the rest.
Well I need not have worried. My boys both already taught themselves to read- 8 year old Lee can read books and 6 year old Ike is sounding out words pretty well now and 3.5 year old Anneliese knows all her ABC’s and can identify many of the letters in another alphabet.  And as for math… Let’s just say yesterday I was teaching my 6 year old basic algebra, we’ve been learning fractions and percentages together and have started learning about negative numbers. And all this has been without any regular scheduled formal math and reading lessons. Mind you, two years ago when my boys were in school, Ike refused to even go near the teacher when he sat down the kids to teach them the letters, let alone be receptive to learning. He had a huge resistance to that and yet now he’s teaching himself to read.

So how does this work? How do kids actually learn when they aren’t getting a formal education?

Learning From Games and Learning From Life

Well there is no one size fits all answer and every family is different and even within each family every kid is different. What I can say is how it’s working for our family right now. I am also well aware that many people will have lots of criticism for me for what I say we do but that’s OK with me, it works for us, and I’m liking how my kids are turning out so far- mature, well mannered, respectful, intelligent, helpful, kind, and creative. So even if “studies” say that what we’re doing is “problematic” that’s fine with me because what we’re doing works for our kids.

So first of all my kids spend most of their time playing, chilling out, and having fun. A good chunk of their day is spent on their tablets (my boys each have one- we bought them cheap ones- a cross education expense and birthday gifts) and Anneliese typically comandeers my phone, and my kids decide what they want to do with their technology at their fingertips. 

Ike and Lee generally switch off between playing with various apps, and watching videos. 

Huge time waster, right?

Well, actually, not so.

This app has been super educational and helpful for Lee. Of course, there’s all the drawing practice- he’s gotten amazing at drawing. But more “scholastically” it has helped his reading and spelling so much- he has to read the words before he can pick which to draw- and at first he’d come over to me, asking me to read the words for him, so that he could choose the one he wanted, but he got tired of asking me all the time what they said, so he practiced reading them himself, and now, only once in a very long while does he ask me what a word says (and usually its hard words). And then, of course, in order to move on to the next level, he can’t just guess the word that they drew, he has to spell the word correctly. Many times he had to guess the word over and over and over until the spelling was correct, and now he knows spellings of all sorts of random words, even tricky spelling. I helped him more in the past with this, but as he practices and his spelling gets better, he rarely ever asks me to help him spell the words.

Minecraft is extremely educational for a variety of reasons, but instead of just enumerating what is educational about Minecraft, I’d suggest googling “Minecraft educational” because there are so many articles about the subject that it would be redundant. But there is lots of math needed, people skills, problem solving skills, cause and effect, learning about different types of geology, among many other things. There also is the teamwork aspect when my boys decide to set a task and get it done, working together, and compromising when each kid has a different way of looking at the world, and has different ideas of how things should be.

But for my kids, what I see happening with Minecraft is Lee and Ike want to do all sorts of cool things with Minecraft, but they don’t know how to do that, so they research it on their own, finding tutorial videos showing them how to do it. (Lee routinely makes Rube Goldberg machines on Minecraft- that’s one of his favorite things to do.) Internet research skills are very valuable, and actually open up the world to you. They started out just trying to use these internet research skills to figure out how to do those Minecraft tricks, but they’ve expanded it to be able to do research for various subjects that intrigue them- one of their recent bits of research was figuring out how much it would cost to buy a new computer, and then once they figured that out, calculated how much each of them would have to save up for it if they would buy it together, pooling their money.

But that’s Minecraft and Draw Something. Maybe these are more educational games in most peoples eyes, but its not just “educational games” that are actually educational.

My kids like Temple Run and these other racing games, not sure what exactly they’re called. And these are the types of games that growing up we were forbidden from playing because they’re complete wastes of time and not educational in the slightest.

Only I see my kids learning math from this all the time- they get points and they want to be able to know how to say what number it is, even when it has 7-10 digits. And they know that when they get a certain amount of points, they can level up or buy a new bonus item, so they do the math in their heads, calculating how much more they need to earn. But at first they couldn’t do that, because it was really high numbers, and subtraction with multiple digits isn’t so easy, so they asked me to show them how to do that math. And then realized how much fun math was, that they asked me to teach them more and more and more math, and now, as I mentioned before, my kids are way above grade level in math. And that was without my ever making them learn math, just teaching it to them when they asked to learn it.
And Ike, sick of always asking me to read to him what the games were saying, has been teaching himself how to read, sounding out letters, and he’s actually getting quite good at reading, despite my never teaching it to him formally, and despite his wanting to run the other way when his teachers were trying to teach him to read at school.

And they watch quite a few movies and shows, but even from that, I see how much they’re learning. I don’t tell them what they must watch, but I introduce various shows to the kids that are more educational, and I see how much they learn from them, whether it’s Magic School Bus, Wild Kratts, Super Why, Cyberchase, Octonauts, LMNS, or whatever, or just more life lessons from shows like Arthur. Anneliese doesn’t really play games, but she does watch quite a few videos, but I see just how much she learns from them as well- she tends to go for more kids’ songs videos, like Busy Beaver’s songs about shapes and colors, or ABC related songs, number songs, or StoryBots outerspace songs. Yes, I know many consider watching shows to be pure mind numbing, brain wasting things, but I see for myself just how much my kids learn from these, so no, I don’t consider it a waste of time, but valuable learning opportunities.

And of course there’s always their Lego play, drawing, creative play, imagination games, etc…. which are all educational as well.

Then real life also involves many learning opportunities- my kids help me in the kitchen a lot, which ends up being a lot of math, involving fractions, multiplication, etc… discussions on nutrition, health and wellness, the science of cooking. Grocery shopping also is chock full of discussions on economics, budgeting, math, health, social studies, science, etc… Learning is simply everywhere, even without specifically teaching.
Recognizing that kids can and do learn this way is a big part of unschooling, that living provides you with valuable life skills as well as scholastic skills, and that formal education is simply unnecessary, because so much is learned even without it.

Writing a recipe for the kids to follow ends up being reading, fractions, time telling, etc…

The Great Conversation

Other than learning via play and life, a big part of our learning takes place via question and answer sessions we have with our kids. I think the most important skill in life, the most beneficial trait to have that aids in learning is curiosity, insatiable curiosity and the constant quest for knowledge. Because of that I encourage my kids to ask questions, to question everything. There is no such a thing as a stupid question or an inappropriate question, in my books. (There may be situations where questions can be hurtful or inappropriate which is why I also teach them tact and to be considerate of other people’s feelings, and that there is a time and place for everything.)
Because I am aware that for this stage in my kids’ life I am their biggest source of information and their main source of getting answers to their questions, I do my best to answer every single question they ask and ideally every single time they ask a question. I make the time to answer their questions, even if the time isn’t always the best, and there is something I’d rather be doing than answering their million questions. The reason being- when they’re asking the question it means they’re interested in the answer and their brain is thirsty for and receptive to knowledge and it is the perfect opportunity to teach them. We can then learn in short period of time what would generally take much longer, and then they remember so much more, because their brain is in maximum sponge mode. I don’t test my kids on their retention of this knowledge but much of the time their future questions are based on things we’ve discussed in previous conversations, so I can see from the breadth and depth of their questions how much actually stays with them.
I try, when having these types of conversations, to bring up relevant subjects, and do what some friends have referred to as “stream of consciousness learning”, but I consider it just a part of showing how everything is connected. A discussion that starts off about World War 2 can branch off into so many discussions, from discrimination, to free choice, to morality during wartime, to the media, to history of various wars, heroics, communism, the Berlin Wall, etc… One of my issues with how subjects are taught in school is how cut and dried and compartmentalized they are, when in real life they’re all connected, so I use these conversations to show that to my kids.

Speaking of conversations, I actually would refer to our style of unschooling as ‘the great conversation’- never a lecture but always a conversation between two or more interested parties.
However sometimes my kids ask a question and they don’t have the patience for a long answer so I guage where their head is at and ask them if they want a long answer or a short one, and then answer them accordingly. No need for a 10 minute discussion on something if the kid is just looking for a 5 second answer. But often after getting that 5 second answer the kid realizes the topic interests them and they ask for the longer answer. When it comes to more sensitive subjects, ones that I may not necessarily have wanted to get into at such a young age, I don’t ignore the question or tell them they’re too young to discuss it, but I try to answer the bare minimum at a time and if they’re satisfied with that, leave it at that, but if they’re not, give them bit by bit more until they are satisfied.
That said, that doesn’t mean that I always answer every question of theirs. Sometimes I answer that people deserve their privacy and they need to respect that, the same way other people need to respect theirs. (That is my answer typically when my kids ask me where I’m going and what I’m doing if I don’t feel like sharing. Or if they ask me why people do xyz.)
The biggest part of unschooling is gauging the kid’s interest, never pushing them to learn something when they have no interest in learning it, and capitalizing on those moments of desire to learn, jumping in and making the most of it.

The thing is, as much as I relish these discussions with my kids I also want to teach my kids to think and how to find their own answers. Often, before getting into discussions with the kids and answering their questions, I ask them to first tell me what they think and we discuss that. Or, when they asked me what dryer lint was, I gave them a microscope and suggested that they inspect the lint and many other things through the microscope to figure it out themselves. And depending on the question (sometimes if I don’t know the answer off the top of my head, or if it is something that I would think would be best to show via video, etc…), I show them how to research their question on the Internet to find the answer.

I would say that the majority of our structured learning takes place via these discussions that we have. And yes, other good/involved parents have similar discussions with their kids as well and I’d say the biggest difference is that being around each other most of the time there is simply more time available for these types of discussions (they’re not at school for many hours and their at home hours aren’t taken up by homework), and I place a huge priority on making these discussions a big part of our life, sometimes staying up long past their bedtime to continue said discussions because I am showing them in action that I value their questions and desire to learn.
I can’t talk for other families but I can say that during the year that my boys went to school these discussions happened much less frequently and with much less intensity, since they spent so much time being forced to sit still and learn in school that when they were home they just wanted a break and to decompress. I saw school quashing my kids’ desire to learn and their quest for knowledge.

But I don’t just wait for these conversations to happen. I also initiate learning, make suggestions, and try to spark interest in subjects that they might not have thought to ask about otherwise. However if I see they aren’t interested in a subject at the moment I simply leave it alone for then and see if they’re interested in it another time.

Inspiring Kids to Learn

So, how do you inspire a kid to want to learn something?

A big part of it is strewing, which is leaving things around the house for the kids to find that may spark their interest.
I try to purchase eye catching educational books with many pictures to make my kids want to pick them up. We have a whole bunch of science books, on a variety of subjects, plus atlases and books on animals. Notable books that we especially love- Lonely Planet Kid’s Amazing World, National Geographic’s Animal Encyclopedia, some religious picture books, etc…
I don’t always have these books out- often they’re just on the shelves, but sometimes I take them out for the kids to find, and then they can spend hours looking at their favorite books.

I also suggest games, crafts, science experiments, and competitions (often a combination of them) for my kids to do if they tell me they’re bored. One we did recently- I gave my boys paper, scissors, and tape, and asked them if they could build bridges strong enough to hold up coins.

Ever notice kids are more interested in eating the food that you’re eating? Learning often works the same way. I find that the best way to get my kids interested in a subject is to discuss it with my husband, or turn on a video for myself to watch- then everyone wants to see what it is that I’m watching, and then we all enjoy a great documentary together.

Since the kids see me always learning new things, and kids learn via example, they learn to value the process of seeking out knowledge. I discuss these new things that I learn, and share information with my kids when it is age appropriate and/or if it is something that I think would interest them.

I also try to make learning fun, never a chore, so whenever I can impart knowledge in a fun way, I try to do that, whether it is via educational computer programs/games, like Starfall.com, TeachYourMonsterToRead.com, PBSKids.org, or AnimalJam.com. Hour of Code, etc…And of course, since my kids happen to love math, they love doing math problems on Khan Academy, and leveling up when they prove that they know more, so that is fun for them as well.

Who doesn’t like stories? My kids certainly do. So when I am teaching something to them, if I can tell it in story form, they usually love to hear it. So if I have something that I would like to impart to them, it usually starts off by my asking my kids if they want to hear a story, and if they do want to hear it, I tell it to them, and we all enjoy it.

Trips are yet another way to spark interest in subjects, whether its to an art museum, a historical museum/site, science museum, botanical garden, the zoo, a forest, or really anywhere. There is so much to be learned everywhere; sometimes all you need to do is put kids in a new environment, experiencing new things, and they’ll be inspired to learn about so many different new things.

Does It Work?

That is probably the most pivotal question. Does unschooling actually work? Do kids actually learn if they aren’t formally taught? Well, as I hope I’ve covered in this post, absolutely, certainly, without a doubt. My kids, even without official lessons, are super knowledgable kids who, in most subjects, are well ahead of what their peers are learning in school (we’ve learned together things that I only learned in high school, or post high school), a few things on par with their peers, and a few small things lagging behind their peers, and slowly but surely they’re catching up on those.
And that is cool with me. Everyone learns at their own pace.
But one thing they all have in common- they love to learn, they retain what they learn, and they constantly are looking for new opportunities to learn.
Well, what about being challenged? How are kids challenged when their learning is self initiated? Not a problem at all. In fact, just as much as kids innately love learning, they innately love challenging themselves, pushing themselves to new and further limits. You know they do that when they’re first learning to crawl, stand, walk, climb, etc… and they don’t stop. Unless you make challenging them a goal. In which case it kills that natural desire to challenge themselves. I constantly seem them pushing themselves to do more and more, like trying to do pull ups on our pull up bar, building a working Lego candy dispenser, building their Rube Goldberg machines, writing out math problems for themselves to do, seeing how far they can jump, etc…
Of course, I do sometimes help them along, giving them ideas of how to challenge themselves, like when I give them suggestions for fun activities like building a supportive bridge, suggest books for them to read or research projects for them to do, etc….

And as for the last, most common question I get about homeschooling and unschooling specifically- how will my kids learn to deal with difficult situations if they never have to deal with difficult classmates and teachers in school, well, I already addressed that question in this post.

So, unschooling. It’s more than just having conversations with your kids, but of course, involves that. And it is super effective, at least for our family.
And it really works for us.
And that is why we love it.

Have you ever heard of unschooling before? Did you know what exactly it was? Any questions?