Completely unrelated to that, the other day I went with my kids to the city, and my oldest, Lee, who has been saving up his money, decided completely on his own to bring along some of his loose change to be able to give it as charity to the beggars he’d inevitably see on the street. While in the city, we started talking about charity, needy people, etc, and then he asked me “Mommy, are we poor?”

I mean, as someone who is famous for living frugally and goes by the name “Penniless” I guess such a question from my kids was inevitable at some point.

My answer to my son started with “Poor is relative; compared to some people we’re poor, and compared to other people we’re rich.”

But the thing is- it got me thinking- what does poor mean anyhow, and are we poor?

The dictionary definition: “having little or no money, goods, or other means of support/dependent upon charity or public support” doesn’t help much, because, again, that is relative. Who defines little money?

The more I thought about it, the more I considered how there are a few different financial situations that people can be in that would defy the stereotypes of what poor really is.

Lets talk about Joe and Mia, who bring in only $2000 per month for their family of three. Things are very tight financially, but the wife is a stay at home mom who makes everything from scratch, gardens, and forages, and they buy all their things second hand. Joe is a hunter and a fisher in addition to his regular job, so that’s “free” meat as well, which makes a big dent in their grocery budget. They buy legumes and grains in bulk, grow or forage most of their own vegetables, and in general, live a very “earthy”, from scratch, “back to nature” life. Therefore, despite not bringing in much money every month, Joe and Mia manage to not only make it through the month without needing food stamps or other governmental assistance, they also manage to put away money every month and they’ve built up a small savings, and aren’t living paycheck to paycheck.
Joe and Mia live in a community with other folk like them, and despite having very little income, they don’t feel lack; they see all the abundance around them and are happy with their life.

Then you’ve got Sam and Mary, who make $6000 a month, three times what Joe and Mia make. Sam and Mary are both working full time jobs that don’t pay well, but together they have some money. But Sam and Mary bought a house that eats up a lot of their monthly salary in mortgage payments, and because they are both very busy working, they don’t have much time to make things from scratch, nor do they have much desire to do so, so they tend to rely on convenience foods, eating out, etc. From previous bad financial decisions, they ran up a lot of credit card debt and each month have staggering credit card bills. On top of that, they live in a community of more well to do people, with families that are constantly renovating their homes, buying new cars, going on vacations, etc. Though they try not to “keep up with the Joneses” too much, they do go on the occasional vacation, buy things new instead of second hand, and tend to stick to more name brand items, since they don’t want to be looked at as the “paupers” of the community- they want to fit in, and they also don’t want to feel that they never get the nice things everyone else has.
Mary confesses to her best friend that they are not making it through the month, that each month they go more and more into debt, and they try cutting back on expenses but they don’t know where they can.

And then you have Nathan the billionaire who made a billion, bought a private jet, but then ran out of money to pay for it and declared bankrupcy…

Which of these people actually are poor?

If you just look at income amounts, you’d say that Joe and Mia obviously are poor. But if they’re not struggling financially because they make smart money decisions and live within their means enough to save up a nest egg, are they really poor? If they have everything they need, and more, are they poor?

What about Sam and Mary? They make three times as much money as Joe and Mia do, but they can’t make it through the month because their expenses are so high, and they are constantly feeling what they don’t have. Are they poor?

Who is poorer? Sam and Mary who make more but have less left over? Or Joe and Mia who make less, even if they have more left over at the end of the month? Or would you consider Nathan the billionaire poor, since he had to declare bankruptcy?

If you had charity to give, who would you give it to? Who would you say needs it most? Who would you say deserves it most?

Lets say Joe meets Sam one day and they start talking. Do you think it makes sense for Sam to tell Joe that he’s envious of him, that he wishes that he was able to save up money like Joe does, that he’s under such financial stress, and could Joe help him out financially? I mean, in actuality, Joe does have more cash available than Sam does when everything is said and done.
Would you understand Joe if, instead of empathizing with Sam’s plight, internally he thinks badly of Sam for making, what Joe considers, stupid financial decisions that cause him to be in a bad financial situation? And for asking Joe for help when he doesn’t do even a fraction of the things that Joe does to save money, and lives a life that is much more luxurious than Joe ever would dream of living? (I’m not saying Joe would be correct/fair for thinking that, because everyone has their own circumstances and limitations, only that it would be understandable for him to feel that way.)

So, I didn’t answer this to Lee directly when he answered, because I had a lot to think about then, but I did explain to him that there are many aspects of what would make someone poor or not. And that its not just about how much money you have coming in, but on how you spend the money that comes in, and how much is left over.

A big aspect of whether someone is poor or not would be, in my opinion, if they are feeling lacks, and because of that, it really would depend on societal expectations. Compared to someone living in Silicon valley, my family would probably be considered very poor, but compared to a family living in a village in Africa, my family would be very rich indeed. We have a fridge! Freezer! Washing machine! 1 laptop, 3 smartphones, and 3 tablets! And that’s not counting our electricity, internet, large amounts of clothes and large amounts of food in the house.

Personally, if I had to define poor, I’d consider it someone without enough money to cover their needs, and therefore had to do without. Anyone who’s ever gone to bed hungry or skipped a meal because they don’t have enough money for food would be poor in my book.  Anyone who ever was homeless/had to move in with their parents/a family member due to lack of funds. Anyone who ever went without properly fitting/decent clothing/undergarments because they couldn’t afford to buy ones that fit/weren’t stained/ripped. Anyone who ever had their bank account closed or severely limited because of bouncing checks too many times. Anyone who neglected to treat medical issues because they couldn’t afford the treatment. Anyone who got their utilities cut off because they couldn’t pay their electric/water/gas/phone bill. Etc.

I wrote recently how I was very intimidated by writing budgets, because there were months where our income did not cover all our expenses, but in the last few years we never actually were in a bad enough position that I would consider ourselves poor. In fact, ever since we moved to this place, downsizing and spending hundreds less on rent each month, we haven’t ever been in a bad enough situation that we went without necessities.

The worst situation we ever were in was about 9 years ago when I had only about $15 to last for a week’s worth of groceries, and I ended up just buying dried white beans, cucumbers, onions, and flour, and just made baked beans over homemade rolls to eat, with cucumbers on the side, because that’s all we could afford. But even then, despite being in a desperate situation, we didn’t go hungry, and if anything happened now to us, we wouldn’t go hungry, thanks to our stockpile…

So no, I don’t consider ourselves poor. Would I like more money? Certainly. Am I working hard to try to improve our financial situation? Absolutely. Would I like to be bringing in more money each month and not need to be so frugal? Without a doubt.
But in my mind, poor means in such a bad situation that you go without basic necessities. And fortunately, though money has been tight for us many times, I’ve never had to go without, and in many years haven’t been in a bad enough situation where I needed to ask for charity or for someone to bail me out.
And I feel grateful for that.
For that reason, if you would ask me- is my family poor? I would say no. Because I feel blessed, and I am very appreciative that we haven’t been in such a bad financial situation, especially when so many people dear to me have been in such situations.
I might say that we’re broke. In fact, that is the term I tend to use most when money is especially tight.
But poor?
I prefer the word “low income” because poor is so subjective anyhow, and I don’t feel poor.

So, what does poor mean anyhow?
I think that if you feel that you are, then maybe you are. But maybe you can be in the exact same situation and not feel poor.
Who knows?

What do you think? What does poor mean anyhow? How do you define it, in tangible terms? Would you consider Joe, Sam, or Nathan poor? Why or why not?