My New Ring

I'm not quite sure the first time I heard about the cultural significance of semicolons. It seems to have gained popularity in the past year or so, but Google tells me that it started in 2013 with something called Project Semicolon, but became prominent in 2015.

Have you ever seen anyone with a semicolon tattoo?

A semicolon, grammatically, is used as a pause, but then continues the sentence. Or, as Project Semicolon explains, "A semicolon is used when an author could have chosen to end a sentence, but chose not to."

It then explains that you are the author, and the sentence is your life.


In short, semicolons represent the choice to keep on living, and Project Semicolon's slogan is "Your Story Isn't Over".

I am the type of person that likes visual representations and constant reminders of things I believe in logically, especially if it's harder for me to internalize that belief emotionally. After a certain therapy session, I decided that I wanted get a piece of jewelry that held a mantra that was meaningful to my mental health. At first I was considering getting one custom made (and I still might, Aliexpress has options for pendants that you can custom make with words of your choice), but I didn't get around to doing it.

However, then I heard of semicolon rings with the words "My story isn't over yet" on it, and I knew that that was what I wanted. (I'm not the type of person to get a tattoo, but jewelry I do.) I found it on Aliexpress for $5.

That was the perfect reminder for me.

To be honest, at first I wasn't sure if I had the 'right' to wear a semi colon. You see, I never was actively suicidal. I never planned to take my life.
But, in the depths of my despair, when mental health situation was at its worst, I did have suicidal ideation. I was passively suicidal.

Some people think that being suicidal means a person has a plan on how to kill themselves, or a desire to kill themselves, but that is only being actively suicidal.

When someone is passively suicidal, or has suicidal ideation, they don't have a plan, and they may not even think of the words killing or dying, even. They just may feel like they don't want to live anymore, that life isn't worth living, that maybe a solution to their issues is to just stop living. Or they may toy with the concept of suicide, and then say they'd never, but the fact that it came up for them as an option is why its called ideation.

And passively suicidal? That is something I'm definitely familiar with. Feeling life is too painful, wanting to escape my life.

Fortunately with meds and therapy that isn't a current state for me, but its something I definitely relate to.

But the other part, the whole "My story isn't over yet", while for some people they mean it to say that they are choosing not to end their life, for me it has an even bigger meaning. Because to be honest, many times in my life things are so royally screwed up. They're terrible. They make me want to escape. They make me want to be doing anything but living my life.

But things do get better.

Things don't always stay as hellacious and bleak as they might feel right now. As Annie says "The sun will come up tomorrow" and sometimes, tomorrow is more cheery than the current gloomy reality.

So I'm reminding myself that my story isn't over yet. Things hopefully will get better, and I can't wait to see how things will work out in the end.

Hopefully.

So I bought myself this ring, to have as a constant reminder. And as a show of solidarity with other people who also suffer with depression.