This post is written by team member, Sara Kay.
As newlyweds, people often ask where we got married. It seems like a question with a simple answer, but I’m not always sure what to say. How can that be? Well, it turns out that we got married in two places at once. In fact, our marriage certificate was issued by a county clerk’s office in a state we haven’t ever even visited.
The whole story began in 2019, when I took a shot at online dating after getting divorced in my very-late-20s. For a variety of reasons, I was adamant that I’d never get into a serious relationship again, let alone remarry. Unsurprisingly, I immediately met my soulmate (and I don’t even believe in those) on Tinder.
Five years into a ridiculously joyful, cooperative, peaceful partnership, we started talking about getting married. He had never been married before, while I had. However, our views on marriage were really aligned. We felt like it was something we wanted to do for ourselves as a way of affirming the relationship we already had and showing our commitment to our partnership.
We also considered the practical elements of marriage and realized it would simplify a lot of things for us. So, we decided to get married.
Simple, right? If only.
We had a couple of issues to consider. First of all, I’m a US citizen and I was living in Albania at the time (long story). My partner is Albanian. Secondly, in Albania, weddings are typically large, expensive affairs with hundreds of guests and family flying in from abroad. That’s even before accounting for the fact that I have a huge family in the US that would have wanted to attend if we went that route.
After my first wedding (huge! expensive! stressful!), all that was the last thing I wanted. My partner is not a party person and also not particularly traditional, so thankfully we were very much on the same page. We quickly came to the conclusion that we didn’t want to have a huge wedding.
We’re also both quite frugal people and didn’t want to spend a fortune on a small, fancy wedding with only a few guests. It just didn’t seem worth it to us. So, we began researching what we would need to do to have a basic courthouse wedding in Albania.
After a few hours, we discovered that the number of documents we would need to collect and submit would involve a lot of expense and a lot of waiting. We had already been together for five years and really didn’t feel like waiting months and spending hundreds of dollars on shipping documents from the US just to affirm our relationship in a way that was personally meaningful to us.
Frankly, we also didn’t feel like drowning in the forms and bureaucratic paperwork required because of our situation as a couple with different nationalities.
Discovering the Utah Zoom Wedding
I started researching alternatives, and that’s when I found out about Utah Zoom weddings.
At first, I thought it was a scam, or at least something that wouldn’t be legally recognized internationally. My partner was equally suspicious. It seemed too good to be true, considering the low cost (less than $150) and the fact that instead of collecting a mountain of documents, apparently all we needed were our government-issued IDs (my US passport and his Albanian passport), along with some straightforward forms for ourselves and our witnesses to complete.
Not to mention the appeal of being able to get married from anywhere. According to the website, couples didn’t even have to be physically in the same location as each other during the online ceremony.
After double- and triple-checking everything, we were convinced it was legitimate, and it was exactly what we wanted.
Planning Our Tiny Wedding
So, we got started planning.
Our parents were definitely confused when we explained the situation, but since none of them lived locally, they weren’t hurt that we wanted to essentially elope. In reality, I think they’re also generally used to us doing things in an unorthodox way.
We logged onto the website, filled out the forms, paid the marriage license fee, and chose October 1st from the online availability calendar. We had about three weeks to get everything organized, and it took less time than that.
We went to a local jeweler we knew and told him we needed wedding rings on short notice. He was thrilled to make them and even sent us photos throughout the process.
We texted a save-the-date to my friend and her fiancé, who agreed to be our witnesses. They thought the whole thing was completely bizarre, but they were wonderful sports about it.
We sat down with my children from my previous marriage and asked if they wanted to participate. They were wildly enthusiastic and asked if they could dress up our cats and include them in the ceremony. Obviously, we said yes.
I baked a wonky but delicious four-tier cake from scratch. We ordered pizzas. We picked up the rings.
Our Wedding Day
On October 1st, we sat in our living room in Tirana, Albania, surrounded by our children, cats, and witnesses, and joined a Zoom meeting with an officiant in Utah.
He was considerate, professional, and not awkward at all, despite my worries. We laughed. We cried. Everything was wonderful.
It was one of the most amazing experiences of my life.
After the ceremony, the call ended, and we received our digital marriage certificate by email, along with a recording of the ceremony. The physical certificate was mailed to my mom’s address in the US, which was much cheaper than international shipping, and she kept it for us until our next visit.
Exactly the Wedding We Wanted
We’re absolutely happy with the experience and wouldn’t change a thing. I love that we had the opportunity to get married in such a wonderfully weird and unique way while still creating a day that fit all of our personal needs.
We got exactly what we wanted out of our wedding: a chance to express our commitment to each other and to our children in a way that felt deeply personal and special.
So, where did we get married?
I honestly don’t know whether the wedding truly took place in Utah or in Albania, or maybe somewhere along that fiber-optic cable under the Atlantic Ocean. But wherever it happened, it was exactly right for us.
Did you have a frugal wedding? What did you do to make it frugal? Would you do anything as frugal as Sara and her husband did? Would you consider a Zoom wedding or no way, no how?
If you’re on a second marriage, how did your second wedding differ from your first?
